


James: Lust...or Love?

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-04
Updated: 2007-01-04
Packaged: 2019-01-19 15:29:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12412938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: James's point of view during Lust or Love? Loosely follows the format of an Aristotelian tragedy. What was James thinking all those times his actions were baffling? What was the sex really like? What about those missing moments of pillow talk mentioned in Lust or Love? WARNING: more graphic that Lust or Love. Part one of five.





	James: Lust...or Love?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**Part I: Exposition**

_“This first part sets forth or expounds the situation or state of affairs, out of which the conflict arises. Thus, exposition is the task of the first act and often part or most of the second act. Here we are made aware of the general setting, the persons, character traits, problems of the play, the conflicts or potential conflicts.”_

_\--http://global.cscc.edu/engl/264/TragedyLex.htm_

**……**

The night after James ran into Lily in the corridor, he sat at the Gryffindor table with his friends and listened absently to their conversation while keeping one eye on Lily. He had been quite rude to her when she entered the Great Hall, and she was supremely unaffected. She drove him mad.

James shook his head and turned back to his friends. 

“There’s a glitch in the map,” Sirius said, filling James in. “We need to fix it later, yeah?”

“Fine,” said James easily, finishing his soggy cereal. The bell rang and James led the way down to the dungeons. The Gryffindors stood on one side of the corridor as they waited for Professor Hamilton, ignoring the Slytherins across the hall. Lily stood a bit off to the side from the Gryffindors, pulling at her gloves. James watched impassively as she greeted Vincent Malfoy with a kiss on the cheek and followed him into the Potions dungeon when Hamilton opened the door.

She wasn’t a damn follower!

James tried not to think about her too much, but he couldn’t help it when she was diagonally behind him one table, partnered with Sirius. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he noticed Lily glaring at him and Elizabeth at one point. James was careful not to look up at her.

Let her stew for a while.

Maybe then she would understand what it was like.

**……**

James was rather certain he was undeniably mad.

It was the Incident in the Library that led him to this conclusion, the incident he was sure would alter his life in ways he couldn’t even imagine. They were sitting in the library working on the Marauders’ Map, perfecting the lines that sometimes wavered or disappeared altogether). Sirius traced one with his wand, staring at the non-magical copy of the Hogwarts map they had sketched out on a piece of paper.

“Sirius, you shit,” James said, studying his friend’s work closely, “you screwed up.”

Sirius started. “Where?”

“You moved left instead of right.”

Sirius glared down at his work on the real map. “ _Bloody hell!_ ”

“Easily fixed,” Remus said loftily, taking out his own wand. “Really, you should brush up on common sense thinking, mates. _Effaso_ _!_ ”

The entire map erased.

James’s mouth dropped open but Sirius burst out laughing, almost hysterically. Remus stared forlornly at the map as Sirius gasped, pointing his wand and undoing Remus’s spell. Sirius pounded his fist on the desk and Peter started laughing nervously. At that, both James and Remus could not longer contain themselves. The sound of Peter squeaking out a forced giggle was enough to send anyone into gales of laughter.

James abruptly stopped laughing when he saw Vince Malfoy approaching. Remus erased the map _properly_ with the whispered password and then folded it into halves, then fourths. He hid it under the table. Sirius’s calmed down and his breathing returned to normal as they waited to hear whatever Malfoy had to say; he had just stopped at the foot of their table.

To James’s immense surprise, Lily Evans was behind Malfoy. She rushed up after him, her face pale and aghast. James had no idea how he had missed her when she came in, for he was normally attuned to her presence. She stopped five paces behind Malfoy and waved her arms at James, not widely, but vehemently. Her eyes were locked on his, her face taut, her hands trembling.

He suddenly realized that if she were to ask for anything right then, he would give it to her in a heartbeat—but she asked for nothing, and he didn’t _really_ expect her to. He glanced at Malfoy sharply. “Your girlfriend is having spasms.” He leaned back in his chair. “It’s disturbing.”

Lily clenched her hands into fists.

Malfoy didn’t look at her, didn’t even bother to turn around. James glanced up at him, glanced away, and then looked quickly back at him again. Malfoy’s eyes were gleaming, his mouth touched with a little smile, his hair swept elegantly back from his brow. He opened his mouth and James sat back, waiting for the caustic comment. 

“Is Lily a good shag?”

_What the_ fuck?

James punctuated his thought with falling out of his chair while his heart skipped a beat at the image of Lily’s red hair and long, tangled limbs on a set of his navy blue sheets flashing before his eyes. 

Sirius started to protest but James, from his vantage point on the floor, saw Lily stomp on his foot. She may have broken one of his toes, but James really couldn’t care at the moment.

Malfoy continued. “Potter, I asked you a question. Since you decided it would be okay to shag my girlfriend on a train last year—is she any good?”

James took his time getting up so he could think about what to say. Lily nodded frantically at him and James shook his head the slightest bit. 

Then—her face fell farther than he had ever seen someone’s face fall in his life. He felt like a monster. What harm could one little white lie do?

“Er…she’s great.”

_See?_

_Mad! Barking mad!_

Lily stared. Sirius stared. Remus gaped. Peter squeaked.

James asked any type of higher power in the cosmos to absolve his mortal soul for the daft move he was about to make.

“Great sex,” James said nervously, but getting into it. He looked at Lily, then met Malfoy’s eyes. “Amazing sex, in fact.”

Malfoy smiled tightly and whirled around. He ignored Lily and left the library, leaving her with the four other boys.

James finally began to gain his lost senses back.

“All right, Evans,” he finally managed. He slammed his hands down flat on the table. “What the flying fuck was that?”

Lily stared at him with her bright green eyes and ripped his heart out just by standing there.

And that’s how the beginning began.

**……**

Of course he shot her crazy idea down when she asked. He wasn’t going to fuck her so she could turn around and sleep with Malfoy. That was a bit too mad, even for him.

She was worse than he was!

It hurt to do it, though. He wanted to take her up on her offer, _so badly._ He couldn’t. Not when it was for Malfoy. He couldn’t have her like that.

He was sneaking down into the Potions dungeon to steal some wolf’s blood from Hamilton’s cupboards when he changed his mind. He heard Lily and Malfoy talking. They went right by him—James had to squeeze up against the wall so they wouldn’t bump into him—he might be invisible, but he was still solid as ever. They stopped walking not far from where James was standing.

Obviously, he stayed to listen.

“You really slept with Potter! I thought you were lying! The look on his face—it makes me think you’ve been cheating on me!”

James’s head whipped back to Lily’s stricken face.

“No! Vince, stop assuming—”

“Lily! You shagged James Potter. You’re tainted—you’re dirty—”

James flinched.

Malfoy apologized, but James knew he didn’t mean it. James stared at Lily. _How_ could she…?

“It’s okay.” She paused. “But really—it was a year ago! And Potter and I still can’t stand each other. It was just experimentation!”

James rolled his eyes. Lily and her bloody _experimentation._

“He—he—” Lily began, wringing her hands. She cleared her throat and looked away from Vince, then shook her head and looked up at him again. “You know what, forget it. We just—didn’t work out at all. We clashed. So—can we just move on? I’m going to shag you when you get back from winter hols. That’s the end.”

James almost hurled right there. He hadn’t thought Lily was a virgin—he was positive before today that she and Malfoy were fucking every night. It didn’t seem normal for Malfoy to _wait_ for Lily. Now that he knew she _was_ a virgin the thought of Malfoy with his hands on her naked body made James _sick._ He turned away when Lily all but attacked Malfoy with a passionate embrace, not bothering to conceal his departure. He was sure they would never notice.

It was something he had heard in Lily’s voice right then that made him say yes later that day. 

Infallible James.

Always too trusting for his own good.

**……**

It wasn’t really that hard for him to find her and tell her yes—nor was it hard for him to reach a new level of fury when she offered to pay him like he was a man-whore. He wondered what was wrong with him, what made him seem so...he couldn’t even think of a word to describe it. He still made all the arrangements for Lily to go home with him. He didn’t think about what his parents would say. They probably wouldn’t care—he never brought girls home.

He couldn’t even tell his best friend. Sirius knew more about him than anyone—but James couldn’t tell him this.

“Why’s she coming to your house, mate? She doesn’t have a family of her own? Someone told me you’re shagging—that true?”

“I don’t know, Padfoot,” James said, sighing as he shoved his hands in his pockets and turned his face away from the biting wind on the platform. “People enjoy making shit up.”

“She’s a bitch, Prongs.” Sirius said vehemently. He shook his hair out of his eyes. “I told her not to fuck around with your heart.”

James groaned and tilted his head back in sheer mortification. “You didn’t!”

Sirius shrugged. “Actually, I did. She took it pretty seriously, too. I think she thinks I’ll rough her up if she leaves you in a sobbing heap of tears and fucked-up hair on the floor.” Sirius punched James lightly in the shoulder. 

James just glared at him.

“Prongs…”

“What?” said James, still glaring.

“You always do this!” Sirius explained accusingly. “You always think too—too _nicely_ of people.”

“I don’t think too nicely of people,” James muttered

“Yes—you do. Yeah, sure, Snape and Malfoy and shits like that still make your skin crawl, but once you get it in your mind to like someone you let them in until they stick their hands into your chest, rip your heart out, and feed it to a slavering manticore!”

“Nice one,” James said, losing his momentum. 

Sirius, however, wasn’t done yet. “Don’t do that, Prongs. Don’t try to shake this off. Shit, this is _exactly_ what you did with Catherine. Look where that got you!”

“Shut it,” James hissed, looking around. Sirius was the only one who knew about Catherine. None of the students milling around the on the platform were even looking their way. James caught sight of Malfoy and he whipped his head around to look at Sirius again.

“I’m telling you, mate, Evans is bad news. You best be careful.”

James shrugged. He turned back toward the castle and started to walk away. “Whatever. I’ll see later,” he called back over his shoulder.

“James,” Sirius shouted after him, but the whistle on the steam engine blew and James didn’t respond.

He didn’t try to find Lily that night while no one was in the castle. He rather avoided her. He spent at least an hour thinking about how ridiculous this situation was. He ran a hand over his face, staring at the canopy over his bed. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, punching his other pillow. “Stupid—idiot! _Fuck._ ”

**……**

Lily Evans could _kiss._ She was a bit hasty, perhaps, but she was the best kisser he had ever kissed, and it killed him to think she was probably this good because of Malfoy’s influence. Just the feel of her teeth on his bottom lip had him harder than he had ever been in his life, even on those mad, hot nights when Catherine was in his bed and her willing hands were all over him. The night he spent on the Knight Bus with Lily—just kissing her and slowing her down and sending her off to bed—gave him such a feeling of power. When had Lily Evans ever needed him, especially for something as intimate as _sex?_

He woke the next morning to the sound of her moaning _his_ name.

James almost died at the sexy pitch of her voice, but he managed to sit up and look over at her. Her brow was furrowed and she had kicked off her blankets. Her trousers were low on her hips and James could see her hipbones— _oh, God,_ she was going to kill him if she kept on going like that.

The she started whimpering _Malfoy’s_ name.

He shook her awake, calling her given name for once. She woke with a gasp and flailed, whacking James in the chest. He recoiled and frowned at her.

“Evans…” he began a moment later, after deciding he would call her Lily. After this, then, he would call her Lily. “Has Malfoy ever hit you?”

The best moment of the morning was then, when she threw her toothbrush at him and missed by a mile. He enjoyed teasing her for a long while after that. He was relieved, however, when they finally ended up at his house. He dreaded entering at first—he hated being in his house now that his father was gone.

It didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would, in the end. His first thought when he entered his home with Lily by his side was that his mother was going to catch him out. His mother would never approve of this (whose mother would, honestly?)—she would see shagging-for-convenience tawdry and dirty. He did his very best to conceal Lily’s true reason for being at him home, his very, very, very best.

And it _worked_.

“Mum, this is Lily Evans. She’s my friend and she’s staying with us.”

“James has never brought a girl home,” Sabia said, smirking at James. She hugged Lily—James almost laughed at the expression of discomfort on Lily’s face, but then he got a hold of the urge and beat it down.

“Mum, Evans is _just_ a friend.”

“Evans, is it?”

“Well, call her Lily. I call her Evans. She calls me Potter. We’ve got sort of a love/hate thing going—as in _platonic_ love, Mum, don’t give me that look!” 

His mother shot him a look and James smiled angelically back at her.

“Well, Lily.” Sabia carried on a light and easy conversation with Lily while James went to go heal the cut on his forehead from the metal headboard on the Knight Bus. He heard his mother and Lily in the kitchen and entered the room, hesitating. He wanted to ask about his father.

He steeled himself.

“Is Dad coming?”

He glanced at Lily and his mother did, too. Finally, Sabia nodded. “He should be here in a moment.”

James wondered whether this was the first time his dad had been home since he had left during the summer. He was quite sure it was. His mother began to explain to Lily, quite nervously, that she and James’s dad wouldn’t be home very often during the holidays. She even managed to make a suggestive comment and James rolled his eyes, exasperated. 

He loved that Lily blushed, though.

The side door to the kitchen opened and James’s head shot up when his father entered the room.

“James,” he said, startled, but not put off. “I thought you were getting here later.”

James glanced at his mum. She hadn’t looked up since Clark walked in the door, but her shoulders were tense and James couldn’t even fathom what she was feeling. James didn’t look at his dad.

“Nope,” he said quickly, going over to hug his father, even though he hadn’t done so in years. “Right now.”

Clark hesitantly closed his arms around James, and for once, James just shut up and let himself be a kid.

**……**

The next morning, the day before Christmas Eve, Remus showed up bright and early, as he did every year. James had invited him over once during first year when Sirius wasn’t available (he had been stuck at home with is parents and his brother, decorating a dark and ugly tree) and the tradition had simply stuck. It was one of the few things James shared solely with Remus. 

He severely regretted this when Remus mentioned his birthday to Lily. James glared at his friend and snapped to Lily that it was none of her business. He ignored them while Remus regaled Lily with tales of their escapades at Hogwarts, only dropping into their conversation long enough to tell Lily where the loo was. As soon as she left the kitchen, Remus began questioning James about her presence in his house, just as he had done to Lily minutes earlier.

“What’s she _really_ doing here?”

“You just _had_ to bring up my birthday, didn’t you?” James countered.

“You’re shit at being evasive,” Remus said, grinning. “Really, what’s she going here? I saw the way you were acting while we were decorating that tree. You _kissed_ her!”

“On the _cheek_ ,” James muttered. “And so what? Why’s that matter?”

“She’s still dating Malfoy, yeah?”

James didn’t answer. “Look—she didn’t have anywhere else to go—”

“So she’s here because she had _no where else to go?_ You think I’m going to buy that, James?” Remus shook his head. “You think _Sirius_ is going to buy that when _he_ comes? And do you think Malfoy’s honestly not going to punch your lights out for shagging her at the New Year’s party when he sees her here? She’s not even your _friend._ ” Remus paused and delivered the killer.

“She doesn’t even like you and she’s just…taking advantage of you.”

James glared at Remus and they bickered more about why she was at his house. He did realize at some point that Lily was standing outside the door. _Let her listen,_ James thought. “Do you really want to know? She’s here because she wants to learn how to shag Malfoy.”

“That’s the most believable thing you’ve said all day,” Remus snapped. “And she just randomly chose you for this? And you don’t care? You, who never—”

“Shut up,” James hissed, glancing at the door. Remus still thought James was a virgin, for he hadn’t mentioned his summer with Catherine. “She just let it slip out to him and now he thinks she’s slept with me—and that she’s experienced for Merlin’s sake. I’m considered that much of a whore, that sleeping with me means a girl’s experienced!”

Remus smiled and shook his head. “Because you’ve always—”

“Shh,” James said, deciding this had gone on long enough. He strode over to the door and wrenched it open.

“So you’ve been listening, Evans?” He shut the door.

“You would’ve.”

“True. But that doesn’t make it right, Ev.”

“Don’t call me that!”

It took minutes of conversation with her and he had her backed up against the wall, kissing her. She jerked her hips against his and he tried to keep his body away from hers. She moved _so fast._ So sexy. So _damn_ sexy. He muttered something about Malfoy and kissed her neck, then her clavicle. He found her mouth again and kept kissing her. He crumpled her shirt in his hands and did his best to keep himself as far from her as possible. 

_What_ an idiot he was.

**……**

Later that morning his mother told him to bring a towel to Lily. James grudgingly complied, not inclined to see her at her moment. He knocked on the door; it wasn’t locked, so he opened it. He flicked some lint off his shirt and looked up. “I’ve got a towel for…whoa…”

She was standing there in her cream knickers with a bit of lace on the sides and this light blue…shirt-type-thing that was form-fitting and had tiny little straps. She wasn’t wearing a bra, holy shit, _she wasn’t wearing a bra._ Her legs were smooth and white and she had one foot flexed with her toes on the ground so a knee was bent; she looked like she came out of a porno spread with her legs like that. James shut the door and set the towel on her bed. He reached over so he could brush past her leg and fixed a screwed up corner of the towel. He looked at her trembling leg again and flattened his palm against it.

Then he kissed her. She opened her mouth gradually and titled her head back while James trailed his fingers up her thigh and started playing with the waistband of her knickers. She tugged on his hair and James shut his eyes—it felt _so_ good. They fell on the bed and he muttered something against her, something he didn’t even remember after that. He slid his hand down her legs again and Lily actually whimpered—he considered stopping, but he simply _couldn’t!_

He pressed his raging erection between her legs and her entire body suddenly flushed to a perfect rosy tint. He jerked against her and pulled back, wriggling his hand between her thighs, which had clamped shut as soon as he moved away from her. He just left his hand there, teasing her, and bent his head so he could suckle her hard nipple through her tight top. She gasped and stroked her hands through his hair again.

It took him seconds to decide how far to take her right then. He moved his hand a little closer to her _sopping_ knickers and ran his fingers along the crotch, pushing _firmly._ Lily kicked her legs and pushed her hips up hard, sucking in a breath through her clenched teeth.

_Knock knock._

“Lily?”

James cursed Remus in English, French, Italian, German, and several made up languages.

Then again, so what if Remus came in?

Lily didn’t feel the same way. She did her best to keep Remus out and he finally went away. James spent some time looking down Lily’s shirt and into her cleavage.

“How’s your toe?” he asked against her neck.

Lily didn’t move and she bit out an answer.

“I’ve got a really nice look down your shirt,” he finally murmured.

“Why don’t you _take it off_ then?”

He kissed her neck again, flicking his tongue against her pulse point. He rolled over her and knelt on all fours above her, leaning down to bite her lips gently. “No, thanks.”

He got up, pleased with himself, and then looked back at her for at least thirty seconds. Her chest was rising up and down and she looked so aroused, so hot, so ready for him. She also had tears in her eyes.

He ended up on his knees before her with his hand sliding up in between her thighs so he could get her off, but she grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

“No…you don’t need to. I mean—it’s not going to matter either way, is it? It’s not going to help me be any better in bed, right?

For Malfoy.

For _Malfoy._

James nodded and pulled away, thanking her silently for reminding him what this was about. He still dropped a kiss her onto her temple before he left. He liked to think it helped make her feel better.

He, on the other hand, was going to _die_ from this whole experience.

**……**

They both made their share of mistakes. James lied to her about sleeping with Catherine. Lily talked shit to his mother and James kicked her out, but when James considered going to Malfoy Manor to find her missing arse, he knew he had really lost it.

What the _fuck_ was wrong with him?

He slammed his bedroom door shut and stalked out to the kitchen, where his mother looked up at him with tired eyes. She put down a jar of honey and stirred her tea several times, then threw her spoon in the sink and leaned against the counter, raising one eyebrow and sipping from her steaming cup. “Found her?”

James made a face. “No. She wasn’t anywhere in town, and even thought I spent twenty minutes trying to get Filch to let me in at five in the morning, I couldn’t find her at Hogwarts either.”

His mother frowned. “Did you sleep?”

“Did you?” James shot back.

“Good one,” Sabia commented, and then she set her cup down. She sighed. “Where else could she be? A friend’s house, perhaps?”

James sighed as well. “I don’t really talk to any of her…friends.”

Sabia gave him a disbelieving sort of look. “Surely you can still ask if she’s there, if only to satisfy your own curiosity. We can’t just leave her by herself, James, I’m _responsible_ for the girl—”

“I’ll bring her back here,” James said staunchly, refraining from mentioning that Lily _had_ no friends like that, friends she could go and stay with.

“ _Here?_ ” his mother asked, picking up her cup again. “James—”

“She didn’t mean it, Mum,” he said, feeling very tired.

“She’s quite the bitch, you know.”

“Yeah? So? She isn’t always, you know. Sometimes she’s…”

His mother suppressed a smile.

“Grippingly sweet,” he finished quietly.

“My little _poet,_ ” Sabia cooed, stepping closer and pinching his cheek. “Try her house. If you think you should bring her back, go ahead. She’s certainly still welcome, as long as you both behave and keep that sharp tongue of hers sheathed.”James had several things to say about Lily’s tongue, but he was either afraid his mother would have a heart attack if he mentioned them or, worse, that she would be familiar with them.

“I’m going to work, now.” She glanced at the clock. “Damn. Half-eight. I wanted to get there earlier. You dad’ll wonder where I’ve got to.”

James bit his tongue to keep from remarking on her work schedule. “Are you guys…”

“Just fine, James. We’re fine.”

“Bye, Mum,” he muttered, pivoting towards the sitting room. He scratched out a note on ragged parchment and sent it off with the family owl to Mary Tudor, requesting Lily Evans’s address, if she had it.

**……**

When he called her a whore, he really had no idea what he was doing.

There was something about the way her legs were spread, her skirt hiked up scandalously high on his white thighs, her breasts covered by her hair, her pelvis twisting as he yanked down her knickers and she kicked them off all the way. One of his legs was between hers and he could feel her, warm and wet, through to his skin.

She told him to _stop._

_As if she didn’t want him._

When she said she was scared of what she was feeling he just snapped. He had so hoped she would want him as more than a good fuck. He saw the way she looked at him— _why couldn’t she accept this?_ Why? There was nothing wrong with them together. They _fit,_ dammit!

“If you weren’t sure about this and how you were going to feel,” he told her, “then you shouldn’t have acted like a bloody whore and asked me to do this, then told me to stop. That’s a bit fucked up, Lily—you don’t have any clue what you’re doing with your life, do you? I mean—you’ve got Malfoy and you’re perfectly ready to be a slag from him—but really, past that, you’re nothing special.”

_How_ could she still be with that sniveling shit? Why couldn’t she forget Malfoy and accept James as he was?

Lily glared at him and tossed her head back, unwittingly flipping her hair over her shoulders and revealing her breasts.

“At least I know that I’m not going to give up a good thing for an unsure bet.”

He had to smile at that. If only she knew how sure he was about her. If _only…_ He wanted to keep himself distant, but James couldn’t resist. He kissed her again, slipping his hands back into her hair. This was the only way he could apologize to her for being so cold and cruel. He was just about to start moving his hands when Lily pulled away from him and he noticed an owl in the room. For one glorious moment her eyes were an inch away from his, her breath warm on his lips, her mouth swollen red. She looked positively wanton. James shut his eyes and dropped his head down when she grabbed the letter. She ripped through the seal and James kissed her neck lightly, cross that she was reading a damn letter while they were making out.

She rolled away and James could do nothing to stop her. “What’s wrong?” he gasped, watching her fall to the ground in just her skirt and bra.

“Vince is coming,” she said quietly, looking at the clock and tugging down her skirt. She tried in vain to smooth out the wrinkles and snatched up her shirt, attempting to button it without looking. She failed miserably.

He had to make up for what he had said to her. “Lily?”

“Shut _up!_ ”

She bent down and looked around the floor. James clenched his teeth and fists when he got a brilliant look up her skirt. She didn’t have her knickers on yet and he could see everything. She got down on his hands and knees and began to search under the bed from something.

“Lily?”

“Hold _on!_ ” There was a thump as she slammed her head against the bottom of the bed on the way up. James winced when she appeared, disheveled and rubbing the back of her skull.

“ _Evans!_ ”

Her stupid shirt. He could see her skin through the gaps in the misshapen buttons.

“All right, James,” she finally said. “What _is_ it?” Her eyes flitted to the clock again.

“Come here,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle to his own ears. She was harried and preoccupied but he needed to get this out.

“Why?” she answered thinly, stepping closer. He couldn’t help himself. He grabbed her by the hips, pulled her in, and undid the buttons of her shirt. Efficiently, he buttoned up every button again, making sure to brush against her skin as he fastened each one. He lingered just a moment over her cleavage and her eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of seconds. She slid her hands through his hair and he dragged his hands down the sides of her thighs.

“All right, Lily?” he managed.

Her gaze trembled against his, but then she worked herself out of his tight embrace and held a finger over her lips. He smirked at her. Her eyes flickered darkly over his bare chest and she turned away, pulling open the door, smoothing her hair, and gesturing vaguely in his direction.

The door opened downstairs and she looked at him again. He started to tell her that it was just stupid Malfoy, but she pulled her hand across her throat and gave him a warning look. “Lily?” called Malfoy’s silky voice, floating up the stairs like some horrendous, infectious, contagious, disease.

“I-I’m here! What are you doing here? How did you get in?”

James hoped she got a hickey on her neck that just screamed his name when people looked at her. She shut her door and he heard footsteps moving quickly away as she went downstairs and he couldn’t heart anything anymore.

He looked around the room and finally pulled his t-shirt back on, mussing his hair and pushing his glasses askew. He was still twitching at just the thought of touching her. He saw something dark blue in between the end of the mattress and the headboard and he plucked it from the gap, curious.

It was Lily’s ever-elusive pair of knickers. They were damp between the legs and James nearly _came_ at the feel and smell of them. He balled them up in his hand and waited for ten minutes before he heard the phone ring somewhere in the house. Five minutes after that, the door downstairs slammed. He cautiously opened the door of her bedroom and tiptoed out to the top of the stairs, then descended to the landing. A board creaked beneath him; Lily, whose back he could see, turned and caught his eyes.

“Oh,” she said, disappointingly uninterested, “it’s _you._ ”

“No, it’s the _other_ bloke you’ve got up here that you’re hiding from your boyfriend. He’s a little control freak, isn’t he?”

She paused. James knew he had her. “You just…shut up,” she said lamely. “And hand me my knickers. I see you holding them.”

He threw them at her, sorry to let them go, and she caught them. She stepped into them and pulled them up her legs, nearly driving him to explosion. She smoothed her skirt down and looked up at him expectantly. “So now what?”

_Shagging?_ he thought. But he just grinned. “You want to get my mum an apology present?”

**……**

It wasn’t as if he enjoyed rattling Lily. He simply liked the expression on her face when she was hit with something entirely new and shocking, like his hands up her shirt and his tongue in her mouth or the downward caress of her his fingers over her stomach and into her _soaked_ , warm knickers. 

He waited for that, though. He waited to touch her _just like that_ until that night…

That night in Diagon Alley. 

**……**


End file.
